PrimalPals: Whole30 days 2 and 3

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Whole30 days 2 and 3 - WIIIIIIIIIIIIINE

I had my first real Whole30 craving on day 2. It started out as a small little niggle, but today, day 3, it's a full on annoyance.

I WANT A FREAKING GLASS OF WINE.

I knew it would happen. It was inevitable. I love wine. I have a glass or two per week. Not a ton, really. But I do enjoy a glass with dinner and friends. I like to sip it as my directing ideas come to me while I'm staging. I love the taste, the smell and the way it feels on my tongue.

I'm not regretting starting the Whole30 just because of wine, and I'm certainly not going to give in, but I was just sitting with my script and a thought popped into my head that I wish I had a glass of wine right now. Then I reminded myself that I'm not drinking wine for a while and then, because my brain is really a total child and will throw fits and things, all I wanted in the Whole Wide World was a glass of wine. The need grew stronger and stronger until all I could think about was wine.

And I know exactly why I feel this way, it's because I cannot have it. I'm rebellious like that.

Now, Last Year Jenny would have struggled and struggled til she had a glass of wine and then she'd figure the entire Whole30 was bust and just quit. Now Jenny, me, is stronger than that, but I am glad I removed the wine from the house a few days ago... just in case.

Other than that, things are going well. I feel pretty great (other than an occasional feeling of malaise when I get hungry) and I feel a difference in my body. I feel like my tummy rolls are slightly smaller than they were before. I began directing a new theater show, so I am busy and have things to think about besides food and wine, which is good. Distractions are good.

Wine.

Ugh.

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MEEE!!!

I'm kind of a big deal. You may not know this, but... people know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I'm beginning to think the foliage is out to get me. Apples make me nervous. Well, I'm pretty much always nervous, it's just that I've got into the habit of blaming fruit. I consider myself a nerd proudly, but at the same time, I go to the mall, wear makeup, and own WAY too many pairs of shoes.

I act, I sing, I write, I direct, I run a theatre company in Seattle. I have training that has allowed me to perform any number of soliloquies on cue, as if I'm some sort of Shakespearean monkey. If that's not enough for you, I shower.

Daily.

I have always struggled with my weight. Also fitting in. As a kid, I was active but horrifically made fun of, so miserable. I thought differently than others. I loved art, classical music, said things like "Indubitably" at the age of 9. I also weighed more than other kids (the bi-product of another childhood horror I won't discuss here). So naturally, I was the butt of everyone's jokes, which made me need comfort, which made me need mac and cheese. Add the compulsive eating to growing up relatively poor (read: wheat and processed foods are cheap), I slowly ballooned to 300 lbs. And stayed that way. No matter what I did.

I couldn't understand why I looked different than other kids at school. I starved myself on salad like the pretty girls in the lunchroom. Then binge ate pizza after school because I was hungry. I played sports, but was slower than anyone else and was embarrassed when someone pointed out that I couldn't do as many sit ups as everyone else. I was talented on stage with singing and acting, so much so that I was almost always singled out by It was hopeless. I was hopeless.

Enter college. Gone were the days of being targeted by other kids. I had thrown myself into my music during highschool and got pretty good. In college, my new friends didn't care that I was fat. I was good at music, we had things in common, we were all funny and we liked eachother. The weight gain stopped... but didn't reverse. I stayed at 300. I was happier, but still chorus bound.

I tried all manner of things, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine. But at the end of the day I was just not going to give up what I wanted the most. I was going to eat that popcorn chicken dipped in ranch, dammit. And I was going to wash it down with a beer and then eat some ice cream while watching episodes of Lost with my overweight friends.

I finished college, saw some moderate stage success with my singing and acting, and even visited New York, Italy, and Washington DC just because I sang well. But I noticed that, just like high school and college, other people were getting picked in leads while I was just as talented, but relegated to the back in the chorus. It wasn't because I wasn't any good, it was because I was too big.

But what could I do? Everything I tried to lose weight, I failed.

Enter Yulia and Mark's Daily Apple. I leapt at the chance to give it one more go. I started eating Primally in February 2011.

It's been a struggle, I've quit and restarted to so many times you'd think I was an engine on a '68 Barracuda. My weight loss has been more of a slow 'deflating.' I'm definitely less puffy. I'm down 50, but mostly, I look healthier. I feel healthier. I am healthier.

Recently, I experienced some real life let downs and I am almost nothing if not incensed to make this work.

In this 2014 year, I am looking to really crack down and find out what I can do. I broke my leg last year, which really put a dent in my weight loss and in my mental health. I'm looking to get myself back. I'm looking to lift twice a week, do moderate movement daily, and add biking (eventually swimming) to my exercise rep.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Whole30 days 2 and 3 - WIIIIIIIIIIIIINE

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